Best credit card offer ever

I've received a variety of credit card offers over the years. Some offer rewards or cash back, there may or may not be an annual fee, and they usually tout a high single-digit or low to mid double-digit annual rate. I'm content with the card we have and the terms it provides so I've no need to seek out anything new, and as such I typically discard these credit card solicitations that arrive in the mail without so much as a second look. My husband, however, is a homemaker and often jests that more credit cards will make us rich, so he occasionally opens these and reads some of the terms just to see how rewarding it can be. Such was the case this past week when he received a stellar offer in the mail for a First Premier Bank Platinum MasterCard:

Judging by the large all caps "PRE-APPROVED" text at the top we assume this is an important aspect of the card they're offering. The $700 limit is also in large text because, hey, what good is a credit card offer that doesn't tell us how rich we'll be once we sign up? Our hopes began to wane slightly when we saw the asterisk after "pre-approved" and the double asterisk after the credit limit -- there always has to be a hitch I guess -- but the bank made a compelling sales point by pointing out that we can buy stamps with this card. As of late our primary financial woe has been affording stamps, and with the recent 3-cent stamp rate hike this offer couldn't have come at a better time. Let's read a bit further to make sure this benefit is as great as it seems.

We were saddened to read the text of the first asterisk because, while pre-approved was written large at the top of the document, it turns out we may not actually be approved for this card. The second asterisk also dampened our euphoria as we realized that the $700 limit would actually be just $525 after an annual fee was immediately levied upon issuance. We continued reading, however, because the $525 in stamp money that this card offers is more than the $0 we'd have if we don't take the card. Just how much more? Well, apparently not quite $525 either...

Since stamps are a crucial part of our everyday life we can't run the risk that one of us is running errands and can't make this extremely important purchase, so of course we'll need a second card. On the one hand these fees are really starting to add up. On the other hand we're only losing out on 59 stamps in order to get the second card. Given that we can still buy 1,012 stamps with the remaining $496 credit limit we were just about ready to sign on the X, but first we decided that we'd follow in the footsteps of every other person in the history of humanity who was weighing a decision to take on additional credit: read the schedule of fees. Everything looked good thus far so we took this as merely a formality, but given that us Americans are known for our entirely responsible use of credit we would feel unpatriotic not to do our part.

While we were initially put off by the $175 annual fee listed on the first page, our glee was reignited when we realized that's a first-year fee only. For subsequent years the annual fee is only $49. There's also a monthly service fee which totals $174 annually, but the bank is nice enough to waive it for the first year and then charge it in monthly installments of $14.50. If you're as good at math as I am then you'll see $14.50 is a much smaller number than $174, so I'll take that as a win. The cash advance fee of 5% is higher than competing offers we've seen, but since we intend only to purchase stamps we don't think that'll be a problem. Late payment fees shouldn't be an issue either since the responsible use of credit us Americans demonstrate also includes paying on time. You'd be hard-pressed to find an American who has ever made a late payment, and we're no exception. We're also not concerned with the foreign currency fee because, frankly, it'd be un-American to purchase something from another country.

All that's left is to review the interest rate to make sure it's in line with what we'd expect of what otherwise seems to be a top-quality credit card offer.

At first that number scared us a bit. I mean, that's three or four times higher than the typical interest rate on credit card solicitations we've received in the past. On the other hand the bank has "First" and "Premier" in the name and this card is platinum, so we understand that we'll have to make some concessions to be part of this awesome opportunity.

To be extra sure this is the right card for us, we made a list of pros and cons:

Well there you have it, the numbers don't lie: there are 50% more pros than cons. That number is higher than even the high interest rate, and for some reason that makes it clear this is a great offer. We ran this past our financial adviser, as do all Americans who are considering a new credit card, and he responded with enthusiasm:

It wasn't the enthusiasm we were hoping for, but there's a reason he's merely an "adviser." Thankfully we live in America where listening to hunches and gut feelings are a far more patriotic expression of our freedom than heeding the advice of experts and professionals, so we're about to be sleeping on pillows of USPS stamps in the very near future.